


The Chill of Winter

by Feloncharlie



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, The Academy Is...
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-18 10:02:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21509266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feloncharlie/pseuds/Feloncharlie
Summary: A cancelled show, a hotel room to themselves, and some peace and quiet. It should have been the perfect night. They both had plans to make the night memorable and, well, perfect. Unfortunately they had something in common with the weather outside, everything was a mess.
Relationships: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie, Spencer Smith/Jon Walker
Kudos: 6





	1. Can we just stay?

_ It was a cold winter night, because that’s when all the best break ups had to occur. They never happened in June on a sunny morning while going for a nice car ride, no, instead it was always the middle of the night in the winter, with snow blowing everywhere. It was always a disaster to begin with, as if the weather reflected the mood of the two in the fight. Maybe it was the weather that lead them to the tipping point, or maybe it was the fight of theirs that made the weather seem that much worse.  _

_ Either way, there stood Ryan and Brendon, at two am, in the middle of a blizzard.  _

Ryan laughed as he shoved the other boy off their tour bus. It had started to snow and they wanted to get into the venue before the weather got them too wet, or got their instruments wet. 

“Ryan if you don’t move any faster I will shove snow down your shirt.” Brendon teased as they began to drag out their equipment.

“You wouldn’t.” Ryan countered as he took in their guitars. He came back outside and was greeted by a face full of snow, and the sweet sound of Brendon’s laughter. 

“Oh you’re done for Urie.” Ryan yelled as he rushed towards him, and knocked them both down into the snow. Ryan took handfuls of snow and smashed them all over Brendon, especially his face. 

They both yelled as the cold snow slid over their skin, but continued to fight until they were both red in the face. 

Brendon had snow down his face, laced in his eyelashes, and had began to melt in his hair. He was the most beautiful man Ryan had ever seen. 

“Bren I think you might have some snow on you.” Ryan practically whispered. They were inches apart, and only seemed to get closer. 

Brendon broke into a smile, one that sent butterflies directly into Ryan's stomach and made him forget how to think, “Ry, I think you might have just a little on you as well.” 

Ryan shook his head and caressed the side of Brendon’s face, where his cheeks were bright red from the cold. He leaned in and their lips met, surprisingly warm for all the snow that had been slung. Their kiss warmed every part of Ryan, or it at least made him forget how cold he was. He could lie there in the snow all day if it meant he could kiss Brendon like that. They hardly ever got alone time, and it was hard to be affectionate when the band didn't exactly know about the two of them. They suspected things, but they hadn't come out and said anything, so the band was just left with suspicions. 

Brendon was the one to pull back first, when they heard their bandmates come back outside to get the rest of the equipment. They moved away from each other just as everyone came into view. 

“What did you guys both fall or something?” Jon teased as he made his way past them. 

Ryan didn’t say anything, he just stood up and offered a hand to the other boy, “Need some help?” 

Brendon smiled slowly, “I don’t know if I can trust you Ross. Are you going to shove more snow down my shirt?” 

“Maybe later,” Ryan smirked. 

They continued to help bring all their stuff into the venue, and just finished as the snow had started to come down hard. 

Their manager, Pete, had sat them down to tell them that the snow storm might delay their show, or have it be cancelled completely. It was a blizzard and was predicted to last into the next day, if not longer. 

Their show for that night could possibly go on, but if they continued with the show, that could risk the fans safety if they tried to get to the show. 

“I think we should just cancel the show. It’s not worth it for the fans to get stuck or slide off the road.” Piped in Jon, who was always the reasonable one. He was the one who usually talked Pete out of any crazy tour ideas, and was the only one who kept them all on track. Without him, Ryan knew the band would have fallen apart long ago. 

“But the hardcore dedicated fans would hate the show to be cancelled.” Spoke Spencer who was always all about the fans. He would spend all his available time talking to fans, and he often asked security to 'calm down' and let him interact with the fans. Obviously he was a favorite for that reason. 

“Well don’t worry they will all get refunds.” Brendon said as he ran his hands through his hair, Ryan knew Brendon didn’t mind if the show got cancelled, he had been under a lot of stress of late. The performing every night seemed to take a toll on Brendon, in a way it hadn't before. 

“God the refunds, all the money lost.” Whispered Pete, who was always about the money, since he was the manager and had to keep their tour going. For a manager he wasn't the worst. He made sure they were well taken care of, he just found the cheaper ways to do it. Which no one really minded. 

Brendon shifted to be closer to Ryan and whispered in his ear, “If the show is cancelled, we could get a hotel room, together. We could be  _ alone. _ ” 

“I think we should cancel the show.” Ryan said almost immediately after the words had left Brendon’s mouth. They had never had a whole night alone. The most they ever got was when the band would go out for drinks after a show, and they would both casually stay behind. That usually bought them a few hours, but the most they really did was make out and talk about things they couldn't say in front of the rest of the band. 

Pete sighed, “Yeah we might as well just park the bus and get a hotel for the night. We can’t drive anymore anyways. The roads are getting too bad.” 

Ryan and Brendon shared a look, and Ryan winked. 

“Don’t worry Pete, I’m sure some of us can share rooms, so that it doesn’t cost that much.” Brendon said in a comforting tone. 

Pete still looked vaguely upset, but that couldn’t bother Ryan who was already thinking of sharing a room with Brendon. He had plans in his mind of all the things they could do, cuddle in bed, have sex, watch a movie, have sex, breakfast in bed, and hopefully have sex again. 

They ended up splitting up into three different rooms, much to Pete's dismay. He let them all know how much it cost every second he could.

Spencer and Jon ended up in one together, Pete and the roadies in another, and Ryan and Brendon in one. 

Pete wasn’t exactly over the moon to share a room with the roadies, but it was better than splitting it with any of the band members. 

Ryan and Brendon made their way to the third floor, where their room was located. 

Everyone else ended up on the fourth floor. 

Ryan dragged in their guitars, and coats, and shut the door. 

Brendon had already made himself comfortable on the couch. He had taken the vodka shooters and mixed them together with some sort of juice he had presumably found in the kitchen. 

Ryan made his way over to the boy, and took a sip of his concoction, it was too sweet and not strong enough for Ryan’s liking. 

“Hey, so, looks like we are finally alone.” 


	2. All White

Ryan had spent most of the bus ride to the hotel thinking up ideas for when he and Brendon were finally alone. 

But when they were finally alone, all he could come up with was a lame line, “Hey, so, looks like we are finally alone.”

Luckily Brendon had also thought of what they would do when they were finally alone. 

“Yeah, it only took us half a tour to get to be alone. We have a lot to catch up on.” He emphasized his point with a wink. 

Ryan could feel the heat warm on his face, he was usually a pretty smooth talker, but there was something about Brendon, there had always been something about him that made Ryan flush and forget how to speak. 

He shifted to move closer to Brendon, took the drink out of his hand, and placed it on the table. 

“What would you like to do with our time?” He whispered, their faces inches apart. 

Brendon smiled slowly, “Trust me I’ve got some ideas,” His eyes flicked down to Ryan’s lips, and with that they both leaned in. 

Ryan forgot how good of a kisser Brendon was, with his soft lips that felt like velvet while pressed against his. Ryan brought his hand up and ran his thumb across Brendon’s jaw, the kiss had created electricity and he could tell that they both felt it. They leaned back from the kiss and rested their foreheads against each other. 

Brendon’s heavy breath ran across Ryan’s face, “I missed this,” Ryan whispered as he pulled back to look at the other boy's face. 

Brendon’s eyes held a sadness, “Yeah, I wish we could do this more often…” He trailed off, his eyes having moved to look out at the window. The snow had started to fall harder, and had begun to stick to the roads. Brendon was the reason they couldn’t be public about their relationship, Ryan was okay with everyone knowing but Brendon didn’t feel like they would accept it, or even allow it. Which sounded like bull to Ryan, he knew his bandmates, and knew they would be okay with it, at least they would tolerate it. What else would they do, kick them out of the band? Ryan knew that was not likely to happen. 

“Well we could do it more often.” Ryan said, but as he said it he knew Brendon’s response. They had this fight over and over again every few weeks. 

“I don’t want them to know Ryan, and you know that. Why are you always pushing me when you know how I feel about this?” The sadness in his eyes had been replaced with agitation, and he moved off the couch to stand in front of Ryan. 

“Brendon I didn’t mean to push you, I just wish we could be public.” Ryan said as he moved towards Brendon, and off of the couch. 

“Babe I’m sorry, come here.” He reached out to pull Brendon to him, but Brendon backed up out of Ryan’s reach, “No, I’m sick of us having this fight and you just hugging me and telling me you’re sorry only to start up this exact fight in a few days' time. Something has to change, I don’t want to spend the little time we have together in a fight.” 

Ryan shook his head, “Then come here, you’re right, we shouldn’t spend tonight in a fight.” 

Brendons face changed with pure anger, “It’s like you aren’t even listening to my Ryan.” He yelled as he began to pace along the living room. 

“You don’t get it, I’m not talking about just right now, it feels like every time we are alone you bring up the fact that I don’t want us to be public, and I feel like this fight is never going to end.” He continued, “Ryan, I don't want you to try to change my mind every single time we are alone together. It’s exhausting and I would rather just enjoy our time together instead of this every time.” 

Ryan frowned, Brendon didn’t usually get this mad at him, “I just don’t get it.” He moved to stand near the window, the people that were trying to get inside, out of the blizzard. 

“It was fun at first Bren, being a secret. It was fun when we had to find secret places to see each other alone, but as it went on, I just started to feel like you wanted to hide me.” 

The roads were white with all the snow and all the cars had vanished from view. 

Brendon’s voice came from behind Ryan, he had moved closer while he had spoken, “I don’t want to hide you Ryan, just what we have.” 

Ryan spun around to face him, hurt displayed on his face, “How can you say you don’t want to hide me yet say you want to hide what we are, they are the same thing Brendon.” 

Brendon’s face softened as he saw the damage of his words, “That’s not what I meant Rya-”

Ryan pushed past him and moved to go to the kitchen, the furthest place in the hotel room from Brendon. 

“So I’m just a dirty little secret for you. You’ll have your fun with me and then when the tour is over you will forget about it and we will go back to being friends?” Ryan yelled. He opened the fridge only to shut it in anger. 

“You just wanted to use me for some tour fun, while I’ve been falling in love with you.” His words hung in the air for a minute before he could see that Brendon understood them. 

Before Brendon could say anything Ryan spoke, “I’ve been trying to figure out how to say it, that I’m uh I-I’m in love with you.” His words had transitioned from anger to a soft confession. His arms fell lifelessly to his side as he waited for the boy to say something,  _ anything.  _

Brendon cleared his throat, “I didn’t know you felt that way. You always seem so distant, like nothing I do affects you. I didn’t think you’d be the one to catch feelings, I thought it would just be me.” 

Ryan looked up at him, “So are you saying you have feelings for me then?” 

Brendon slightly laughed, “Well of course I have feelings for you, I wouldn’t spend all this time with you if I didn’t.” 

“So you don’t love me?” Ryan asked, he figured that much, he always knew he would fall for Brendon. The cute boy with the shy smile and the eyes that lit up any room. Of course he would fall for him. It made sense that he didn’t love him back though. Ryan was a hot mess, he took too many drugs, he wasn’t exactly the most stable mentally, and he didn’t offer much for a man like Brendon. 

Brendon sighed and pulled Ryan out of his thoughts, “Ryan I-I do have feelings for you, whether it’s love I don’t know. But please know that I do have feelings for you. They mean a lot to me. You mean a lot to me.” 

Ryan knew Brendon meant what he said, yet it still hurt to know that he didn’t feel the same as him. 

“Ryan don’t do that, please, you know I care about you, so why does it matter if I don't say those exact words.” Brendon pleaded as Ryan shifted away from him. He needed time to think. He needed to go somewhere that Brendon wasn’t, Brendon with his puppy dog eyes, which would reel Ryan back in and he would forget how he could even be mad in the first place. 

“I’m going to go cool down.” He said as he pushed past Brendon and grabbed his coat, and before he could even argue, Ryan was out the door and in the elevator. 

In the elevator stood a couple, they were laughing carelessly and making out as if it weren’t the middle of a busy hotel. Ryan felt a pang in his chest as he stood in the elevator with them, he had always wanted to have a love like that, loud and annoying and in everyone's faces all the time. When he went out with the few girls he did, he was always the boyfriend from the band, all they wanted him for was to get backstage, they never had love. It was always a short lust until they hopped onto another band, fucking groupies. Ryan let out a shaky breathe when the elevator doors finally opened, and he rushed off into the crowded lobby. He had dated a few guys here and there before he and Brendon got together, but nobody knew that. He was always careful to not let anyone know, because he was always someone's dirty little secret. They would hold him in bed at night and pretend like it was all okay but couldn’t bear to even make eye contact with him in public. He wanted to have true love, a loud love, an in your face love, but he always fell for the boys who weren’t there or ready for a loud love like that. He always wound up hurt and alone, and yet he never learned. 

The lobby was full of people running in from the blizzard outside, everyone was snow covered with red noses and they were  _ loud _ . All yelling over each other, fighting for a hotel room, swarming the panicked looking hotel staff. It was loud and wet and way too much for Ryan. He pushed and got shoved until he made his way to the one door he could find, and he bolted outside, into the snow. 


End file.
